haven't written in days... coming back off of a serious "bend" if u wanna call it that

the ceiling is coming down on me

an i'm getting cranky... i need something to help pull me back together

Controversial

"The one who ruined ur self esteem is the one rebuilding (boosting) it. That cannot be healthy"

I wonder if its true
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Tweet from @InkedHoneyBee

"There is no greater feelin than love. It will kill us all, I'm sure of it."

I meant a million things when I said it.


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Watchin netflix "On the Outs"
Got me a new wifey eyecandy... Wow Judy Marte is gorgeous. Yes I paused the movie an looked her up.

I dig hispanic chicks an bronzy caramel guys. Always have, my addictions. Makes me picky, but gorgeous is as gorgeous does.

Sad though... She reminds me of my Suz
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i cant sleep... i do mean indefinitely

idk why and frankly its not that important... i'll sleep when there isnt so much drama on my mind

do not do drugs... addiction is bad an i'm not caring

it feels good

get this... got one that talks all the good stuff an doesnt show results....

then this one over here shows it all an says everything wrong...

if i could build the perfect man... 80% would probably come from u... if not 100... i even love ur flaws

if i could build the perfect woman... i wouldnt be able to find enough prototypes to pull pieces from...

i don think i have a song for this blog... cause wednesday was a pretty good humpday and i sang alotta tunes

btw as much as i preach bout hating barbies... i miss my hair an this shit better grow back fast

i actually considered, am considering... will possibly reconsider this cute full lace in the time being... smh

Tweet from @OMGthatssotrue

"I don't hate you...I just don't appreciate your existence. #omgthatssotrue"

Yea ima bitch that way


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...

after last night... i'm sure i've sealed my fate on bein alone. i acted like an ass to everyone

i was irresponsible... violent... i broke things

i might be m.i.a. for a while, i have that i wanna crawl into a hole feeling right now

the apple doesnt fall far from either tree

this is proof i need not to procreate

Wisdom Tweet Moments

"The bravest thing that men do is love women #love" RevRun

Aint it the truth... we are the most complex, twisted, mindblowing creatures on this earth...

And I respect a man who can openly admit his love for a woman :)

Complicated melody

In reality wha am I doin...
Cause in my mind I see it clearly. I'm deflecting, disassociating, denying, an not listening
I'm actin on a wing an a prayer, I feeling my way thru it

An it feels pretty damned flippin good
Until I think bout wha was said an think it jus may b true
I can evn hear the argument down the line... Already geared up for the wha if so I'm not quite concerned actually...
But thas a huge wha if, cause I kno wha I kno an I kno that somethings I jus can't let happen

I said somethin I wish I could elaborate more on... But I think I'll hold my tongue for now, cause all the words might not come out correctly right now
My god did I jus censor myself, o yea its gonna snow

I'll brb

Song of the blog:
Complicated melody by India.Arie

If he were a color
He'd be a deep dark forest green
If he were a car
He'd be a long stretch limousine
With room for all of humanity inside
Cause he is so giving
And he is so wise
If he were a number
He'd be a five cause he has such a brilliant mind
If were an animal
He's be an ass cause he's so stubborn sometimes

But if he were a song
He'd be a complicated melody
That complicated fellow he
I almost can not sing it on key

But he means the world to me

If he were a building
He'd be a beautiful cathedral
Cause he's so traditionally spiritual
If he were a dance
He'd be complicated like the tango
Exotic like a mango

But if he were a song
He'd be a complicated melody
That complicated fellow he
I almost can not sing it on key

But he means the world me

He ain't the reason for the sun and the moon
He is the reason for this here tune

Cause he means the world to me (ooh ooh)
Said he means the world to me
Me me me yeah
He means the world to me yeah

Complicated melody that complicated fellow
He's a complicated melody
I almost can not sing it on key

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pffft i guess... mayb... wow no title

I had a lot to write today.... My gears were all in a grinding bunch.
But then I sat back and jus said fuck it.
I need not to be pressed over things I cannot change. For the things I can change I need to get to it.

I'm actually excited about my gym membership bein reinstated. Got my reminder email... The 17th seems like ages from now.
Time is creeping by in my life.

Watchin master chef, wed night is food porn night. Top chef is next.
I feel full like a balloon, a heavy fat bloated balloon.

Pause a sprint evo commercial came on.... Y in the hell would I wan a cell phone w a kickstand to lay it horizontally to watch video.....
As if my eyes weren bad enough ur gonna make me look at a screen 1/1000th the size of my tv...
Ok mayb 1/500th. I'm jus sayin

Anyways... U can say I'm in a minimal mood today.
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Ha!

The world would erupt at the seams if I ever changed my fb status to "in a relationship"

Can u here the comments of... disbelief, shock an awe, curiosity? Lls
Can u hear the nonsense if it had an actual name attached to it?

Commented on a friends newly changed status... Made me think a lil bit
We live our lives in the public eye... An I'm ok w it

I'm the type to have cute hubby/wifey an me pics an edited photos from our outings. Artistic sculptures of pregnancy... All posted online
An I'm perfectly ok w it

Because when I do find true love....
an I do mean that:
-fall out my chair
-head over heels
-fart an shit w the door open
-kiss ur eyelids
-stare into ur eyes
-b myself all the time
-hand in each others back pockets
-sex w morning breath before the first pee (taking u by surprise)
-making an feeding dinner to
-feet kissing (dear god I said it, if I truly love u I will touch ur feet, possibly even lick ur toes... After we shower)
-family dinner having
-"honey wha does this bump look like to u"
-breakfast in bed or in the sun room at noon on a lazy saturday... W the kids
-kissing the kids to bed together
-old on the back porch w the grand kids an dogs


Shall I continue(cause u kno I can)!!
Kind of love... I will be sure evryone sees my shiny "poster child for forevr" glowy smile until its old an grey

I'm done ranting... Love nevr hears my cries... She's too busy out there matching ppl up who have no clue love has evn slapped them in the forehead
Which is precisely why I'm not looking for that whore... I wan love to surprisingly slap me in the face

Song of the blog...
India.Arie -Beautiful Surprise
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So... It works? Wow

I see things.... and I notice things the little things in life and i think i appreci them more than anything..

i have been saying this alot lately because the little things seem to matter the most in my soul

i can say yes... this makes me happy inside

u kno it has... but its not a honest happy... i feel torn but i think i am working thru that because i AM honest i AM sincere i have nevr held my tongue.. i will not change because of this

then y does this feel weird... dear god i hate that word but i have been throwing it around cause it suits the purpose

memory lane... dreams... its all bogus to me

its hollow

u kno i cant trust... so wha makes me think that i can believe anything that i hear these days

it all goes in one ear and out of the other... because i refuse to believe something that cannot be true it cant

gosh i have been getting alotta shit thrown at me... because i am not concerned at all with normalcy, an i never will be...

been thinking alot about who i am an the things i do... she's such a cute bee :)

i tell myself everyday... i love who i am
its hard cause some times i do not like the things i think...

i am so scared of never being loved

i am scared of never having my own

i am scared of never having a forever

I wan that feeling everyday when i wake up that i will always be enough... because love is always enough... to weather it all... true love weathers every obstacle

i stand firm in everything i believe in... and that is never going to change

i wrote this an idk if i blogged it yet...

May 26th, 2010- 3:45a

"Wha a broken heart feels... an educated mind cannot understand.. for the matters of the heart weave tangled and misguided cobwebs around all sense of being, common sense, and sensability...

love is not patient love is not kind... love is the best an worst thing to happen to a human soul in its existence.

But wha love does not kno... is that it truly will be the end of us when it breaks our spirits....."

I wish i could record me saying it right now... its my passion that always gets me in trouble :)

and this I truly am passionate about

(As I reread it I continued)

Love is the ghost in the night that steals our breath away...

its the wind blow thru our clothes, giving goosebumps...

its the stars in the sky each night

love is the rose that dies.... and Selena plays in my head

"Como la flor,

Con tanto amor,

Me diste tú,

Se marchitó

Me marcho hoy

Yo sé perder

Pero ay...

Cómo me duele

Ay...

Cómo me duele"

Song of the Blog...

Pink- Love song

I've never written a love song

That didn't end in tears

Maybe you'll rewrite my love song

If you can replace my fears

I need your patience and guidance

And all your lovin' and more

When thunder rolls through my life

Will you be able to weather the storm?

There's so much I would give ya, baby

If I'd only le myself

There's this well of emotions

I feel I must protect

But what's the point of this armor

If it keeps the love away, too?

I'd rather bleed with cuts of love

Than live without any scars

Baby, can I trust this?

Or do all things end?

I need to hear that you'd die for me

Again and again and again

So tell me when you look in my eyes

Can you share all the pain and happy times

'Cause I will love you for the rest of my life

This is my very first love song

That didn't end in tears

I think you re-wrote my love song

For the rest of my years

I wil love you for the rest of my Life