i need to let all this out before i burst...
oi... ok... good bad or worse...
lets start with the good
a bitch is still employed... today so far lol but i'm waiting on that fateful decision... sedgewick better hurry up an decide to pay me or not...
i'm finally breaking down an curing my animal companion withdrawl syndrome (insider lol) and adopting my baby this weekend... tentitively that is i mean i havent paid for him yet.
yes i used my work bonus to buy a hairless cat... because i'm weird... eclectic and my own... and i am sooooooo excited i could burst into tears
more than how excited i am that adele releases 21 this month!!!!! oi i need some new music from my lady... she melts my soul
ok... for the not so good...
matters of the heart... suck ass...
first u kno i was talkin to amanda who was wrong place wrong time wrong century... an i liked her... but i need time, i need phone calls txts... i need to see u... we havent even seen each other!!! pet peeve...
so panda is out of the question... i am a needy woman i need my woman
then theres this one... gosh shes a piece of work... thas probably why i like her... an its a new exp for me... i dont do the "dom" or "stud" i cant get the mentality needed to be a barbie doll fem, and i dont need a ken doll... so past DJ i havent dated a dom ever... and she was an emotional mess... neither here nor there
but babe... idk wha to do with her... im so drawn to her but she also drives me nuts w the... somethin i don even kno
bad... i have a short temper these days... but not anger jus impatient and crotchety w her an the petty stuff we bicker about? idk its weird
got my nails done... made me feel like a queen... designs an lashes tomorro... *sigh* to be a woman again is pretty up lifting when u feel like crap on the inside
brb
If you know me... then you know this will be an entertaining... emotional... educational... mind blowing view into the mind of HoneyBee, Bee, and IrresponsibleBee If you don't know me... enjoy the ride... its always a rollercoaster
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Sleep much? Nope
Up late... Can't sleep so I decided to write out my thoughts
I'm gonna pee my pants if Adele doesn't release 21!!! Gosh I've nvr been so captivated by music... Her voice her lyrics
Got a playlist going on the pod right now...
Some randoms
Colbie Calliat- Capri
Ok I think I shed a tear for this one. I want that wonderful Mommy feelings of burstin w joy an family... I want a Baby Bee :)
Amy Winehouse- Wake Up Alone
No matter what I go through this song always brings me back to heartbreak... But the survival (well my interpretation of it) of it. It may not be a happy song, but it's so honest. She brings the truth into the situation, it happened.
Maroon 5- She Will Be Loved
I don't mind spending evryday, out on ur corner in the pouring rain
There's something eternal about the love in this song.
India.Arie- I am Not my Hair
Sometimes positivity only goes but so far and I need that boost to remind me who I am is beautiful. I fight with the inner struggle to be me an not societys "beautiful".
I have mastered alternative, now pride...
Maroon 5- Sunday Morning
Just listen to the chorus and if it doesn make you smile, you have a frozen heart.
The Script- For the First Time
They always hit the nail right on the head. Remembering not to let love go, evn though it's hard going back to why we fell in love. Holding ur head high when times are rough, we have our love.
India.Arie- The Truth and Beautiful Surprise
These two songs remind me that black love does exist an should be celebrated. That someone will walk into your life an sweep you clean off your feet, that it's not a fairy tale. Her lyrics are so powerful, they superceed all the bullshit in music and are the reason I know love is real
I'm done for now gonna lay my head on this pillow and try to dream... You kno that fabulous women I am on the inside that I can't seem to get to surface
I'm gonna pee my pants if Adele doesn't release 21!!! Gosh I've nvr been so captivated by music... Her voice her lyrics
Got a playlist going on the pod right now...
Some randoms
Colbie Calliat- Capri
Ok I think I shed a tear for this one. I want that wonderful Mommy feelings of burstin w joy an family... I want a Baby Bee :)
Amy Winehouse- Wake Up Alone
No matter what I go through this song always brings me back to heartbreak... But the survival (well my interpretation of it) of it. It may not be a happy song, but it's so honest. She brings the truth into the situation, it happened.
Maroon 5- She Will Be Loved
I don't mind spending evryday, out on ur corner in the pouring rain
There's something eternal about the love in this song.
India.Arie- I am Not my Hair
Sometimes positivity only goes but so far and I need that boost to remind me who I am is beautiful. I fight with the inner struggle to be me an not societys "beautiful".
I have mastered alternative, now pride...
Maroon 5- Sunday Morning
Just listen to the chorus and if it doesn make you smile, you have a frozen heart.
The Script- For the First Time
They always hit the nail right on the head. Remembering not to let love go, evn though it's hard going back to why we fell in love. Holding ur head high when times are rough, we have our love.
India.Arie- The Truth and Beautiful Surprise
These two songs remind me that black love does exist an should be celebrated. That someone will walk into your life an sweep you clean off your feet, that it's not a fairy tale. Her lyrics are so powerful, they superceed all the bullshit in music and are the reason I know love is real
I'm done for now gonna lay my head on this pillow and try to dream... You kno that fabulous women I am on the inside that I can't seem to get to surface
Sent from my Palm Pixi on the Now Network from Sprint
Sunday, January 9, 2011
i have my moments
feelin like a dirty lil kid...
an its makin me love the moments more an more...
ever jus wanna let go, be spontaneous, destructive an live...
an its makin me love the moments more an more...
ever jus wanna let go, be spontaneous, destructive an live...
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
back for the first time cliche
First blog of the year... sorry it has been 5 days... been getting myself together lol... not seeming to be an easy task at that
didn get shit faced.. which is a good thing... but i spent all weekend... glorious 4 days off from work, hardly drinking... sounds like an improvement... at least i have given up vodka for the most part... the dreams are haunting as hell
can i jus say i love my kindle so much... books are back in my life, my parents know how to make me smile hard
speakin of smiling hard... the song listed below makes me smile so hard.. its like meeting myself again for the first time the script is awwwesome sauce
i want to say all these prolific things.. but i know they wont change anything in my life... i feel like i wanna get up an do something but i cant... the chains an boundaries in my life keep me locked in this spot... 2011 is the year when i discover wha is holdin me back from my life...
dear god can my w-2 come fast enough... i live for tax season an returns
i hurt but cant pin point the pain... emotionally an physically i hate everyday i wake up... music an monica get me thru the days... tv gets me thru the nights...
how is it that my glass is half full but i cant see it... did the friggin glass disappear...
guess i will jus keep up my facade
"For The First Time"
She's all laid up in bed with a broken heart,
While I'm drinking jack all alone in my local bar,
And we don't know how,
How we got in to this mad situation,
Only doing things outta frustration
Trying to make it work but man these times are hard,
She needs me now but I can't seem to find a time,
I've got a new job now on the unemployment line,
And we don't know how,
How we got into this mess
is it god's test,
Someone help us 'cause we're doing our best,
Trying to make it work but man these times are hard
But we're gonna start by
Drinking old cheap bottles of wine,
Sit talking up all night,
Saying things we haven't for a while
A while ya
We're smiling but we're close tears,
Even after all these years,
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time
Oooooo
[few times]
She's in line at the door
With her head held high (high)
While I just lost my job but
Didn't lose my pride
But we both know how,
How we're gonna make it work when it hurts,
When you pick yourself up,
You get kicked to the dirt,
Trying to make it work but,
Man these times are hard,
But we're gonna start by,
Drinking old cheap bottles of wine,
Sit talking up all night,
Doing things we haven't for a while,
A while ya,
We're smiling but we're close to tears,
Even after all these years,
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time.
Ooooo
[few times]
Yeah.....
Drinking old cheap bottles of wine,
Sit talking up all night,
Saying thing we haven't for a while,
We're smiling but we're close to tears,
Even after all these years,
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting, for the first time
ooooo...., yeahh for the first time
(ooooo....), oh for the first time,
Yeah for the first time,
(just now got the feeling that we're meeting...
For the first time)
[x4]
Oh these times are hard,
Yeah they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me baby
didn get shit faced.. which is a good thing... but i spent all weekend... glorious 4 days off from work, hardly drinking... sounds like an improvement... at least i have given up vodka for the most part... the dreams are haunting as hell
can i jus say i love my kindle so much... books are back in my life, my parents know how to make me smile hard
speakin of smiling hard... the song listed below makes me smile so hard.. its like meeting myself again for the first time the script is awwwesome sauce
i want to say all these prolific things.. but i know they wont change anything in my life... i feel like i wanna get up an do something but i cant... the chains an boundaries in my life keep me locked in this spot... 2011 is the year when i discover wha is holdin me back from my life...
dear god can my w-2 come fast enough... i live for tax season an returns
i hurt but cant pin point the pain... emotionally an physically i hate everyday i wake up... music an monica get me thru the days... tv gets me thru the nights...
how is it that my glass is half full but i cant see it... did the friggin glass disappear...
guess i will jus keep up my facade
"For The First Time"
She's all laid up in bed with a broken heart,
While I'm drinking jack all alone in my local bar,
And we don't know how,
How we got in to this mad situation,
Only doing things outta frustration
Trying to make it work but man these times are hard,
She needs me now but I can't seem to find a time,
I've got a new job now on the unemployment line,
And we don't know how,
How we got into this mess
is it god's test,
Someone help us 'cause we're doing our best,
Trying to make it work but man these times are hard
But we're gonna start by
Drinking old cheap bottles of wine,
Sit talking up all night,
Saying things we haven't for a while
A while ya
We're smiling but we're close tears,
Even after all these years,
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time
Oooooo
[few times]
She's in line at the door
With her head held high (high)
While I just lost my job but
Didn't lose my pride
But we both know how,
How we're gonna make it work when it hurts,
When you pick yourself up,
You get kicked to the dirt,
Trying to make it work but,
Man these times are hard,
But we're gonna start by,
Drinking old cheap bottles of wine,
Sit talking up all night,
Doing things we haven't for a while,
A while ya,
We're smiling but we're close to tears,
Even after all these years,
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time.
Ooooo
[few times]
Yeah.....
Drinking old cheap bottles of wine,
Sit talking up all night,
Saying thing we haven't for a while,
We're smiling but we're close to tears,
Even after all these years,
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting, for the first time
ooooo...., yeahh for the first time
(ooooo....), oh for the first time,
Yeah for the first time,
(just now got the feeling that we're meeting...
For the first time)
[x4]
Oh these times are hard,
Yeah they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me baby
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Wake up Alone
It fits... cause as much as i try to get this person out of my mind... he creeps back in
It's okay in the day I'm staying busy
Tied up enough so I don't have to wonder where is he
Got so sick of crying
So just lately
When I catch myself I do a 180
I stay up clean the house<<< pffft
At least I'm not drinking<<< ok so perhaps not so fittin
Run around just so I don't have to think about thinking
That silent sense of content
That everyone gets
Just disappears soon as the sun sets
This face in my dreams seizes my guts
He floods me with dread
Soaked in soul
He swims in my eyes by the bed
Pour myself over him
Moon spilling in
And I wake up alone
If I was my heart
I'd rather be restless
The second I stop the sleep catches up and I'm breathless
This ache in my chest
As my day is done now
The dark covers me and I cannot run now
My blood running cold
I stand before him
It's all I can do to assure him
When he comes to me
I drip for him tonight
Drowning in me we bathe under blue light
His face in my dreams seizes my guts
He floods me with dread
Soaked in soul
He swims in my eyes by the bed
Pour myself over him
Moon spilling in
And I wake up alone
It's okay in the day I'm staying busy
Tied up enough so I don't have to wonder where is he
Got so sick of crying
So just lately
When I catch myself I do a 180
I stay up clean the house<<< pffft
At least I'm not drinking<<< ok so perhaps not so fittin
Run around just so I don't have to think about thinking
That silent sense of content
That everyone gets
Just disappears soon as the sun sets
This face in my dreams seizes my guts
He floods me with dread
Soaked in soul
He swims in my eyes by the bed
Pour myself over him
Moon spilling in
And I wake up alone
If I was my heart
I'd rather be restless
The second I stop the sleep catches up and I'm breathless
This ache in my chest
As my day is done now
The dark covers me and I cannot run now
My blood running cold
I stand before him
It's all I can do to assure him
When he comes to me
I drip for him tonight
Drowning in me we bathe under blue light
His face in my dreams seizes my guts
He floods me with dread
Soaked in soul
He swims in my eyes by the bed
Pour myself over him
Moon spilling in
And I wake up alone
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
No on likes a grinch
Lawd knows I hate surprises... I hate the element of surprise I hate not havin the upperhand cause I'm so paranoid that someone will catch me in this state of bein...
I want help
I want help
Sent from my Palm Pixi on the Now Network from Sprint
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