today could be a very pivotal moment in my life... i think alot of things in my mind changed today for the good

gosh i need to cut my nails... i sound like i am scrapin my keyboard

anyways... i cannot imagine think or dream of a place without these people in my life...

every single person has a significance... an i am never goin to take it for granted

i will continue later... time for my movie

so last night was... well torture as usual..

i dont expect anyone to understand what i do an why i do it... or the consequences of such... its jus how i operate.

right now... ipod on.. tv on... laptop in hand...

i am trying to fill every sense i have to not focus on how ungodly uncomfortable i am... for more than one reason. i need a drink sadly

i cant evn write

kinda like a hangnail moment

i sit here thinking... y do i get myself in the messes that i am in?

i said today... "I am not clairvoyant, how was i supposed to know you wanted pound cake. I made what I was told to make..."

meant more than i thought initially

I jus finished an awesome love story type romance movie... "For Keeps"

this couple seemed so in love... the feeling looked so good, evn though their life had to turn into a shitfactory... I need to stop usin that word it keeps comin out like word vomit

i can think of the most random things at times... an i think it helps the pain go away... but it doesn heal the hurt i feel

talked to a semi-complete stranger about a fraction of how i feel... it may lead me to therapy soon... cause i didnt cry as i told her which seems like vast improvement, mayb i was jus tryna not punk out idk

got the most popular at the moment playlist on the headphones... why does kesha make me feel better...

Mayb i do need rehab... but how do u rehabilitate from something u dont evn have.... love has a hold on me an the other end doesn evn exist... How can i be in love with the thought of love... the recipient and giver doesn evn have a face... I just miss being in love

How appropriate... Merry Happy comes on... chattin on the phone, cant take back those hours but i wont regret because u can grow flowers from where dirt used to be

i could sit here an vibe all night to music but i wanna write out how i feel...

but why cant i.

perhaps its cause i really have no idea whas goin on in my head

guess i'll use the music to talk for me

Pink- Why did I ever Like U

evn if there was a natural disaster... i wouldnt lose this putrid feeling in my heart for the past i had to go thru w u... an u... damn it applies to more than one lol

Carrie underwood- before he cheats

but did she have to smash up the car though? no man will ever understand the consequences an reprecussions that cheating does to a women... snapped was made for that very purpose i'm sure

until your heart is broken... u will never feel love's 2 sided dagger.. i dont ever wish this on my worst enemy

i have a few songs that make me jus say fuck u... an i honestly feel that way... until the lights go off an i am by myself... amy said it best in wake up alone

i have to go... i cant think straight

theres too much on my mind to contemplate... the words the meanings to the money the wants the needs...

the dreams the passions...

where has my life gone! I wan me back

extra raw right now

i could throw up this very instant...

what i just txt him should b a bonafide sin actually... it made my stomach flip as a typed it.. and my stomach swirl when i read the response... sad that it is wha i am actually thinking.... today turned me into a fiend... addicted to it yes cause if i txt him... i wont be txtin HIM that lol... dont they call that diversion?

which brings me to why i am thinkin that/this way right now... after 5 hrs of sleep... interrupted sleep at that!

karma is one spiteful ass whore these days... she is makin me feel like i made all this happened... then i enabled an stroked my ego good last night...

i hate when this power comes over me and i hate the power that i have but nothing felt as good as havin fingers in my hair... in a non sexual way at that!

i wan 2 things right now... one is a carnal sin... an the other is a beautiful as the sunrise... wha kinda person am i!

i need to go get a tattoo today.... perhaps it will inflict pain on my skin... to take away the pain in my heart...

my baby bff hurts... an i will always have a place in my heart for this man... no matter how old we are no matter the ups or downs... and it kills me to see him like this...

i wanna go back to those days when life was simple

i need to turn on etta right now...

cause all i could do is cry when i got in the house... an i'd rather go blind...

this playlist is baaaad

i could sit here an mellow out for a second cause every time i get stagnant in motion or thought... the emotion takes over...

i nevr wished this on my worst enemy

karma is a rude whore this week...

she needs to have a seat...

i nevr wanted justice like this

i dont wan u to b me... i cant lose wha i love again... now that i can hold it, in a very nonsexual way no joke...

raw... the am

i always said someone who means somethin will have to replace the ring my mom gave me when i was 13 that i wear on my ring finger.... well someone did... my mom lol... she gave me another at 22 :) *early morning thoughts*

my fb status once my mind has calmed down...

who really leaves an ominous msg at 1a on my vm an doesnt call me in the morning... don do that to my mind.. u know how i am u simple ass

cause when i woke up at 5a... an listened to it... its all i can think about now cause i wanna know wtflip ur talkin about

today is gonna be an absolute shitfactory im sure....

watched topchef... i need to stop doin that on the hard weeks... lord knows i do not kno what to do with myself... and i am ravished and famished... the quote "i'm so hungry i'm farting fresh air" def applies to this week as a whole...

how is it that i cannot ever sit down an have a tattoo completed or get one when i leave the house intending too? its prob ant it prob isnt my fault at all lmao

i love him to pieces though i cant help it

ever kno who is def ur type and who isnt... an u just whish ppl would listen to you when u say so...

i kno my heart

dear god... as i am typing this.. commerical for barbeque pitmasters comes on... i'm hungry as hell an i kno there is no meat in this house...

followed by the LA ink new season promo... i hate her cause i love her an i wanna be her so bad... the person i am on the inside... personified in a celebrity kills me everyday

i need to call this lady back about this app... scared that if it does change my life.. that i will do the right thing about it...

gotta go