sittin here thinkin bout how in the hell it has come down to this...

o well... when life gets tough... roll with it... *rolls marble across my desk*

its cold as hell at my desk... my pretty painted finger nails are clattering against the keyboard...

brb

Wake up Alone

It fits... cause as much as i try to get this person out of my mind... he creeps back in


It's okay in the day I'm staying busy
Tied up enough so I don't have to wonder where is he
Got so sick of crying
So just lately
When I catch myself I do a 180
I stay up clean the house<<< pffft
At least I'm not drinking<<< ok so perhaps not so fittin
Run around just so I don't have to think about thinking
That silent sense of content
That everyone gets
Just disappears soon as the sun sets

This face in my dreams seizes my guts
He floods me with dread
Soaked in soul
He swims in my eyes by the bed
Pour myself over him
Moon spilling in
And I wake up alone

If I was my heart
I'd rather be restless
The second I stop the sleep catches up and I'm breathless
This ache in my chest
As my day is done now
The dark covers me and I cannot run now
My blood running cold
I stand before him
It's all I can do to assure him
When he comes to me
I drip for him tonight
Drowning in me we bathe under blue light

His face in my dreams seizes my guts
He floods me with dread
Soaked in soul
He swims in my eyes by the bed
Pour myself over him
Moon spilling in
And I wake up alone

No on likes a grinch

Lawd knows I hate surprises... I hate the element of surprise I hate not havin the upperhand cause I'm so paranoid that someone will catch me in this state of bein...

I want help

Sent from my Palm Pixi on the Now Network from Sprint

12/19 Horoscopes Reading

SAGITTARIUS Nov 22-Dec 21

There are too many uncertainties going on to make any sort of decision that will affect your home and personal life. Keep the peace for now and spend less time at home or with people who manipulate or confuse you emotionally.

Today is a 3 star day.

Sent from my Palm Pixi on the Now Network from Sprint

12/15/2010

at my desk... last night was interesting...
why is it that i always have an interesting night... sittin in my bed on my phone txtin like a maniac... i'm not even out the house!

but why is it that ppl find ways to eff w me when they have had a few drinks...
stop flirting w me if u dont mean it
cause i cant play w the past lke this... he's too deep in for me to go back to, cause it feels damned good... an lawd knows i cant resist a man in a uniform lol

i am a heavy flirt.. when it comes to females though.. cause i been spitting game an not even knowing when i do it lol shes cool an seems receptive...

i cant focus at all right now, i wanna go back home an get under the covers an jus die.. work brings out the worst in me.. i'm sittin here w my headphones on blast promptly ignorin evryone

why is it that everytime i go an get my wine on mon an tues they always tell me that they give 10% off on those days... as if u didn see me last week

wonder wha i will have for lunch... brb i guess idk

ok that was like 10 mins... ADHD i swear... i cant keep doin this

Bed Rest

Baby I wish I could hold you,
Promise I'll never let go of you
Baby you got me gone [x2]

[Verse 1:]
I don't know why I'm still so sad and blue.
And I don't know why I just can't get over you (ooh)
Cause he didn't go far, you did me no harm you make sure that I get all that I want so I jus don't know why I'm so sad and blue
When you give me all of you

[Chorus:]
You got me on bed rest
I'm hurtin for love
You got me on bed rest
It's like I'm givin life up
Pillows and thoughts not takin no calls and neva get up
You got me on bed rest
I'm hurtin for love
I didn't get the respect that I deserve,
It'll take time before I can find the will to get up. The will to get up

[Verse 2:]
I want the dark could somebody cut the lights off
Cut the lights on tryna get a rise on gone like the sun till morning and I can't lie when the day goes by I'm missing you I'm so horny
Baby I wish I could hold you promise I'll neva let go of ya baby you got me gone on, gone gone oh baby (eh eh eh eh eh eh, oh baby eh eh eh eh eh eh)

[Verse 3:]
I don't know why my eyes don't open till noon and even when they do they seem to close back at two (I don't wanna get up I don't wanna get up no)
You got me gone, I'm so on everytime you give me exactly what I want so I don't know why I'm so sad and blue

[Chorus:]
You got me on bed rest
I'm hurtin for love
You got me on bed rest
It's like I'm givin life up
Pillows and thoughts not takin no calls and neva get up

You got me on bed rest
I'm hurtin for love
I didn't get the respect that I deserve,
It'll take time before I can find the will to get up.
The will to get up

Baby I wish I could hold you promise I'll neva let go of ya baby you got me gone on, gone gone oh baby (eh eh eh eh eh eh, oh baby eh eh eh eh eh eh)

12/13....

ok... so if anyone has the balls to call me at 4:30a... i have the balls to answer lol

but for him to come at me with this cockeyed romance all late at night early in the mornin. i understand some of it.. but is it a lil late too soon...

i mean i have moved on signif... i mean pushin situation 1 an him situation 2 out of the picture... an trust me, situation 1 was hard to replace, cause situation 2 def does not replace him in the bedroom department... sigh... i dont think i will ever find that connection. i think that is why i am most upset lol i am a fiend, deprived of the best thing i have ever found! lol sike lemme stop pumpin his ego up... it fits perfect thas all i can say an it my physical match... sad

an then theres her... the new chick.. who i want to move forward with but not with #2's crazy outbursts last night i can forsee an issue... but i guess i will come to that bridge when i need to cross it.

12/9/10-12/13/10

sittin here at my desk... wondering what in the world happened last night

I had the weirdest dreams ever! and i hate when i have these dreams about him... like i dont think about u during the day so why is my subconcious at night so focused on u

I try so hard to move on in my life fromt he things that haunt me... failed relationships, personal demons, financial woes... but i have the most vivid imagination in the world an it takes over at night. no i don kno how to make this stop... but i want it to so bad.. cause i cant friggin sleep

startin this new thing w her is interesting... cause of course i am not used to ppl not bein avail to me at all times plausible. so being that she works so much, kills but i am learnin

work is a trickbag at the most..... like the circus even at times... today i get the call whether i got the jr neg position... i'm not thrilled that it is in columbia though... nor am i thrilled that the population is under 100...


continued... monday... 12/13/2010
no word from them either....
wait til u read this next one... this weekend was for the books

i'm sittin here... heartburn radiating thru my kneecaps... my god is my body older than my mind

saw pics of me at the babyshower... no wonder i am single... i started to feel sorry for myself... marshmallow comes to mind... a toasted fluffy squishy.... fat....


anyways... out of that feeling...
i need will power i need someone to hold me accountable... someone who i can trust won judge me... guess thas jus me an my ipod smh

i need a gym sch... i need a food plan... i need a revamp...
360?


i hate when i get like this... i was jus in my car dancing to pretty girl rock on the way home... well thas prob cause i wasn lookin in a mirror

Yes I had to

I hate that my heart is the biggest most vulnerable part of my body

An that he thought to tell me that... Made me smile... Made me cry

Gosh I fuckin hate love

Sent from my Palm Pixi on the Now Network from Sprint